


Like Real People Do

by tittianamaslany (dancercofd)



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Mostly Erin thinking with Holtzbert endgame, this small nerd has stolen my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8094397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancercofd/pseuds/tittianamaslany
Summary: When Erin needs a break from reality, she hops on a train and lets her mind wander. Sometimes, she thinks about work. Other times, she doesn't.





	

Erin Gilbert was calculated. She rarely did anything in her life without carefully sorting through the many outcomes that could result from even the smallest step forward in time. Her mind reeled daily, weighing the pros and cons of every choice she made, from what time she ate breakfast (never later than 7:15 am to ensure she would be promptly hungry for a 12:30 pm lunch) to whether or not to resign a 2-year lease on her apartment (no, because she's hardly ever home at this point and wants her permanent home to be closer to Ghostbusters HQ). 

Erin's brain was so loud that she sometimes couldn't organize the necessary thoughts from the sporadic fear that welled up inside her for no reason. Her mind reeled the same anxious memories over and over again. She could sometimes focus on other things and drown them out — her math, for one, Jillian Holtzmann's ass, for another — but after more than 2 decades of battling, she knew how to let her mind rest. She understood that sometimes just letting her brain cycle through every thought and stressor was the best way to get it all out and start fresh. 

That's how Erin ended up on the southbound A train. Every few months, when the thoughts gathered and caused her chest to feel tight and her eyes to well at the smallest question, she would put on her favorite t-shirt and walk the few blocks to the longest train line in New York City. Years ago, she had discovered that the gentle rocking of the train gave her mind space to breathe. 

She stepped off the platform and into a moving car, making her way to a seat in the corner the train. She settled herself, her head resting against the window, and plugged earphones into her phone. Had this been a subway ride for the sake of commuting, Erin would have turned on loud music and blasted it to avoid making contact with anyone around her. But this wasn't a trip to avoid. This was a trip to engage and disengage. Stuffing the phone in her pocket without starting any music, she sat back and let her mind go. 

Her thoughts lingered on the stressors of the last few weeks — the apartment hunting she'd been concerned about, an equation that she couldn't crack. The usual small happenings that made up Erin Gilbert's life. She didn't think of herself as mundane, especially not since starting the Ghostbusters, but her life was ordinary outside of her job. Despite the sporadic hours of her day job, Erin managed to keep a pretty consistent daily schedule, a tactic she had developed at a young age to keep her mind from wandering into bad territory. If she planned everything far ahead and down to the minute, she didn't have time to think about how much she wanted her mother to apologize or how horrible it was to run into one of her childhood bullies in the supermarket last week. If she kept herself busy, she didn't have to face the things that kept her brain buzzing every night for hours.

She knew this wasn't a good tactic. She knew eventually it bubbled over the surface, and that's when she would take a day off and ride the subway. 

As the train chugged along, Erin watched the people around her board and deboard, scurrying around each other, shoving and worming their way through the crowds that were starting to gather on and off the platform. She tuned into conversations as they came near her, listening to a brunette next to her cooing to the small child on her lap and the young man near the door offering his seat to an older man with a cane. Upon hearing an accapella group swing through the car and sing a rendition of 'You Make My Dreams Come True', she couldn't help but let her mind wander to Holtzmann. 

Holtzmann wasn't anyone that Erin could have planned for. Her erratic energy and soft dimples drew Erin in in a way that no person ever had before. She had come to terms with the fact that her heart distinctly sped up when she found herself alone with Holtzmann, and had put tactics in place to slow it down so that she could focus. She and the engineer were working closely these days, passing equations and schematics back and forth and whirring out new creations for the team weekly. Their time together had resulted in a number of hand brushes, signature winks and thousand watt smiles just for her. 

She let her mind take her back to the night she had drunkenly told Holtzmann that nobody had kissed her like they actually liked her in 2 years. She tucked her lips between her teeth as she remembered watching Holtzmann's eyes grow concerned and flicker between Erin's own eyes and her lips. Erin had hoped so hard in that moment that Holtzmann would take action that she didn't think to do it herself. In a whir, the moment had passed and Erin was left deflated, drunk and alone again. She found herself immediately angry that she could never take the first step with anyone.

She rested her head against the subway car window, tuning out the noise around her and working out how a relationship with Holtzmann might look. Her brain had taken some liberties and slipped a few fantasy scenes into her dreams, most of which ended with Erin waking up extremely flustered with her own hand dangerously low on her body. She would immediately blush at nobody and move her hand, wishing that the situation was less complicated. 

As coworkers went, Holtzmann was both the best and the worst. Despite her mess and tendency to leave experimental equipment where it shouldn't be, she was a genius beyond measure — an enigma that, every time Erin thought she knew what was coming next, surprised her. Her inventions allowed the team to stay safe, but also gave them an immense amount of power. Erin relished feeling like the top of the world, a feeling that she had previously assumed was reserved for people other than her. Holtzmann had a way of knowing what every member of the team wanted most out of a weapon and creating it to fit their desires. 

For Abby, she had made a shoulder module that rested like a knight's armor. With just a pop of her shoulder, she could send a blast that momentarily shocked any entity within a 5 foot radius, always giving her enough time to set up her proton pack and take out everything in her way. 

For Patty, Holtzmann had designed a large gold watch that released a freezing gas of sorts, which held the ghosts in place until she could contain them. 

And for Erin, Holtzmann had reinvented her own wheel by modifying her Swiss Army Knife to extend into a kick ass ghost sword. Holtzmann knew Erin loved the rush of being in hand-to-hand combat with a ghost, and they had trained many times in the basement of the firehouse, Holtzmann charging at Erin and Erin taking her down with a paper towel roll-version of the gadget. 

In those moments, Erin was always momentarily distracted by the loose tank tops that Holtzmann wore to exercise. She always took meticulous note of the small white flecks of scars that ran up and down Holtzmann's arms from years of things blowing up in her face. She loved the way the blonde's hair flew madly around her face as she reset from round after round of tackling Erin when she unsuccessfully hit her with the fake sword. They often ended up one on top of the other, Erin holding their bodies together for just a second too long before Holtzmann whipped herself into a standing position, urging her partner on again. 

Erin watched as the stations flew by out the window. She sighed at herself and twisted her hands in her lap. At what point did they cross the line between coworkers to friends, and from friends to...more? She wasn't so oblivious that she missed Holtzmann's flirting, though she usually found herself red in the face with her stomach in knots and looking at the floor after it happened. She felt her body reveal a similar reaction at the memory of it, and breathed deeply letting the murmur of the passengers around her take her away. 

Time passed slowly on the train as it bopped above and below ground, revealing a soft sun low on the horizon, just a few hours from sundown. The conductor came across the cracking speaker announcing the stop she was waiting for.

Erin stood with the other passengers, finding herself on a familiar open air platform. She smelled salt in the air and smiled, as she wandered down the stairs. She took a few quick turns on the streets below and watched as the Rockaway Beach boardwalk unfolded in front of her. Bright paintings on the stucco stands of the boardwalk smiled behind her as she slipped her tennis shoes off before digging her feet in the sand. She smiled softly, letting her brain feel empty for the first time in weeks. She walked across the sand for half an hour, remembering her childhood visits to Lake Michigan and how cold the water was in comparison to this. The waves licked at her ankles and she paused for a moment, taking in the soft hum of the people around her and enjoying the quiet outside of the city. She headed back up the boardwalk and put her shoes back on, beginning her short walk back to the train. 

This time, when she boarded, she put on her favorite playlist and spent an hour listing all of the reasons she loved her life. Her usual cycle of anxiety to carefree had run its course, and Erin was finally able to feel her heartbeat stay normal for more than 10 minutes. Her palms had stopped sweating and the smile on her face was genuine when she opened the door to the firehouse, gently closing it behind her. The office was quiet, and Erin quickly made her way up to the roof to catch the last of the sunset over the horizon. 

She stood leaning against the railing of the roof, thinking of all the incredible times the team had celebrated in that exact spot. She heard the door open and close quietly behind her, tucking her head over her shoulder to see Holtzmann standing a few feet away. 

"Sorry, I uh...I didn't think anyone else was here," Erin said shyly.

Holtzmann flashed her a grin that made Erin's heart speed up lightly in a way that she had decided to welcome. 

"I missed you today," Holtzmann said, her smile lowering to a soft half smile. 

Erin turned her body to face the blonde, and leaned casually back against the railing. 

"I needed to think. It happens sometimes. I needed to unwind."

"Understood," the blonde said with a salute, turning to go back inside. 

"Jillian," Erin breathed. 

Holtzmann turned back toward her a quizzical look shimmering across her face and her eyebrows crinkling slightly. Erin took a few steps toward her and placed her hand gently on the blonde's cheek, her stomach tying in knots. She paused for a moment, waiting for confirmation from Holtzmann's bright blue eyes before moving her lips to gently brush against the other woman's. 

She lingered in that position, a moment of panic overcoming her before it was drowned out by Holtzmann's hands on her waist, pulling her closer for another kiss. Their foreheads rested together as the sun set completely behind the skyline around them. 

"I've never made a first move before," Erin breathed, a smile catching her lips. Holtzmann laughed gently, neither wanting to move. 

"I'm glad you did," she whispered back, sealing her words with another soft kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Any comments are helpful and lovely. I'm nervous to post this, but introspective!Erin is something I think about too often, so it happened. 
> 
> Sidebar: I'll be posting a new chapter of War Paint hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday.


End file.
